#HumansofFB

 
 

Aren't people on Facebook (usually) so irritating? Yet everyone has an account, and everyone checks their account at least once in the morning and once before bed. It's quite disturbing, the addiction everyone has to knowing what's going on in someone else's life. There's a few types of friends I love to hate.

There are a lot of things we can chalk up to the deficiency in our vocabulary but one of the biggest reasons is that some of us (ahem) are not challenging ourselves enough. How many times have we used the same word to describe something over and over again? Why not try new words, exciting words, fantastic words! This is where this post will rock, shake, and perhaps even rattle your world.


"Oh my goodness, the wait at the ER is so ridiculous!"

Well hello there attention seeker. They really just want to see how many people will care enough to comment and ask if they're ok. If you were dying, you wouldn't be updating Facebook, therefore I will not bother commenting.


"Insert racial, politically incorrect sentence here"

Seriously, you ignorant fucks, get off Facebook. These people just post controversial articles or statuses that make sense to their tiny brains and get everyone on their friends lists all worked up. By the end of it there are 102 comments back and forth resolving nothing. I always wondered why I cut these people off right away, but my uncle who makes the same comments at family gathering gets a free pass. Meh, you can choose family.


"Toddles everyone! Off to Maui!"

These ones never post anything, ever... BUT they will let it be known they're going on vacation with a bragging status and a picture of their passport, boarding pass and expensive luggage.


"Just had a entire Cheesecake Factory cake all to myself, off to the gym to work out!" 

Must we know what you ate, where you're going and how many breaths you took today? I really don't care. I'm not even going to expand on this one.


"Saw a mother smoking outside her car, while her 5 year old watched from the window. Seriously, disgusting"

Everyone on social media is all of a sudden the best parent alive. Everyone is judging other parents and posting articles on how to have a natural delivery, co sleep, breastfeed, tutor, or have a sex talk with their child(ren). This one is my favorite. There is no right way to be a parent, ya'll. There is no right way to love. Just be the best parent you know how to be. That's all I do!


"Happy Birthday to my gorgeous daughter who turns two today! You light up my life. I hope you grow to be intelligent, humble and happy. Love you!"

Last time I checked a two year old couldn't read. Write these statuses in a greeting card every year and give them to your child on their 13th birthday. Posting on social media doesn't prove your love, or anything. It does leave people wondering if your child is a super intelligent toddler who can make their way to a piece of technology that can access Facebook. If this is the case, post on. You have reason to.

Gotta love Facebook. I had about 550 friends... until I deactivated it. Now I have none.

 
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Shazia Syed is a Human Resources professional based in Toronto. When she's not busy criticizing the crap out of your resume, she’s busy talking. And talking. And talking! Dare to get her started.